Old McNoah never dreamed that after the flood, time would
come when he would have to lay on an operating table with a doctor cutting up
his eye… not even in his wildest dreams. Here’s the timeline to his
excruciating ordeal.
12:20 pm
Noah checks into the Ophthalmology Center of Yanhee
International Hospital for surgery. His blood pressure is taken = 130/71. “Hmmm
still good” – he silently muses. The nurse takes him into a room where his
face is washed and dried and then he is made to wait until the OR guys call to say that he could be brought down. Just before going down his BP is taken =
142/76. “Aha, is this the effect of the adrenaline?”
12:45 pm
One floor down by elevator and he is led through some
corridor before entering the OR ante-room. He is given a hospital gown and told
to strip to his bare skin – including his comfy underwear – now he really feels
uncomfortable. (“For just an eye surgery why do I have to shed my brief?”). A lady
helps him onto a stretcher and he has to wait until the OR guys inside come out
to get him.
01:10 pm
2 ladies come out of the OR and one asks, “you want
peepee?” Noah nods the affirmative and he is helped off the stretcher with the
gown slightly parting and exposing his shrunken balls. (the ladies’ reactions
cannot be seen with their masks on). Noah is back on the stretcher and wheeled
into the massive OR complex that sees about an average of 20 surgeries on a
daily basis.
01:20 pm
Noah is heaved on to the operating table. Above him looms
a ceiling-mounted operating microscope. He notes that there are 4 persons in
the room. One attaches a cuff on his arm and a pincher on a finger and a
beeping monitor comes to life blatantly screaming out his heart rate, which is getting
faster by the minute. BP = 155/80. Not even a double dose of Amlodipine can
stop its rise.
XX:XX pm
With his whole being shrouded in sterile surgical drapes
and the only exposed part is the right eye, there is virtually no way Noah
could tell what time the surgery started. A few drops of anesthetic floods his
eye then an eyelid retractor is plowed into place. “This is it” Noah mutters
under his breath - the monitor now beeping a little more faster.
The scene through Noah’s eye is like a victim kept inside
a dark barrel with the round opening being the only light. Through this opening
come several sharp objects – very pointed surgical scissors, hemostats, cautery
tips, a hose nozzle that intermittently gushes with sterile saline solution, a
needle with suture material and another pair of scissors that snips off the
thread. Amazingly, Noah has 20-20 vision throughout the surgery when in real life he is presbyopic.
There are also some commands that Noah has to follow:
look up, look down, to the right… the left, and all this keeps Noah on his toes
while he notes that the muscles at the back of his neck, spine, butt and lower
limbs are constantly contracted in anticipation for the pain, which miraculously was never felt throughout the surgery. Hallelujah!! He never felt a single twinge
of pain – he SAW it. OMG! He was seeing pain – not feeling it, which is worse, because
no amount of analgesic can quell it.
01:15pm
The drapes are lifted, Noah
heaves a sigh of relief, he goes back on the stretcher, wheeled out and changes
back to his comfy clothes. He is free at last – with a tight bandage over the
eye.
What are the chances that Noah
will get back the Pterygium that was the cause of all the trouble? Maybe in 20
years, that is if Noah doesn't shield his eyes from the elements that predispose to its
growth. Noah does some math and smiles when he realizes that before this time
comes he may be in Paradise already. Reunited with all the animals in the ark.
