Wanna go home

The “Land of Smiles” has been my home for 3 years now, and this period has been remarkably short enough to make me want less to return to my homeland. I’m not thinking about work opportunities or better standards of living compared to my own ‘Pinas.’ I’m talking about social relationships, gastronomical highs, travel options and vast opportunities as an instrument for God, among many others.

The Thai and their culture have attracted me so much to the point that I feel sorry for the culture of my own upbringing. I will admit that I am a hodgepodge of American, Spanish, Chinese and Pinoy traditions. These influences have basically made the Filipino culture a vague identity that is as flimsy as its icon – the barong tagalog. There is no such thing as a pure and undefiled Filipino culture in comparison to the strikingly distinct, attractive and outstanding Thai culture.

Thais, as far as I am concerned, are generally intricately artistic, sexually modest or unpretentious, courteous, polite, generous, non-violent and non-confrontational. You can eat out at the many sidewalk food stands or walk through the streets of Bangkok at night without fear or insecurity… and that was my perception until last night.

Now the grand structure of Thai culture in my mind is starting to crumble, thanks to the recent war among Thai factions deep within the heart of Bangkok. This crazy display of destruction fueled by pent up emotions have revealed that within the decent and well mannered social façade lies a monster that when fed well and let lose is capable of committing the most heinous and barbaric acts and can transform a country of smiles into a land ransacked and divided.

I have realized that Thailand is no different from the rest of the world and that all cultures are marching towards a great bottomless chasm.  This conclusion has only increased my desire to go home… to my ‘Pinoy’ homeland? Definitely not, because that would be jumping from one sinking ship to another.

Jesus, when we will you take me home?